Gary Ralston's Restaurant Review: Boozy Cow, Stirling

IT is one thing being kind with a restaurant review but quite another to be charitable with its profits.

The Boozy Cow has just opened in Stirling and you wonder if they cut a ribbon at the front door on the big day or pulled off strips of crime scene tape.

Who’s leading your staff recruitment, guys? Blythe Duff?

“What vibe are you going for?” we asked Amy, a doll of a server with a megawatt smile to pierce the gloom of graffiti splattered walls, barely lit by red neon signs.

“Romantic grunge,” she cheerily responded as Scooby told her we should be smelling white spirit on the walls, rather than teen.

“I can’t see a thing, the place needs to be painted in lighter colours,” he confided – to a coat stand 10 yards from where yours truly had found a table.

Och, take all of the above with a pinch of salt, which is the only condiment you’ll need because the perfectly seasoned burgers at Boozy Cow are arguably the best in the country.

The Boozy Cow which has recently opened on King Street in Stirling

After Aberdeen and Edinburgh this is the third restaurant in the chain, the brainchild of philanthropist Garreth Wood, who has a heart as big as his social conscience.

All profits from the Boozy Cow ventures are donated to local charities which, in the case of Stirling, includes the wonderful Eilidh Brown Memorial Fund.

Goodwill alone won’t sustain a business, of course, but there is a quality about the Boozy Cow, which specialises in burgers, craft beers and cocktails, that should see it prosper.

Mind you, there are still flaws this fortysomething old fart would love to address – you can’t book a table, for example, and staff t-shirts wouldn’t go amiss as Amy and Co dress as indistinctly as the customers.

Poor Scooby spent five minutes trying to give our order to a young guy in a checked shirt only to discover he was three pints of Estrella Damm in and had been making a break for the toilets upstairs.

Ah, the loos…dripping with red and black paint and with Polaroid pictures pinned to the wall, it was like heading for a comfort break after dinner at Charlie Manson’s.

Downstairs, industrial chains hang above varnished chipboard tables, supported by scaffold poles. It’s all very edgy and even on a Tuesday night it was rammed with punters going with the flow of its punk theatricality.

As a result, we were warned about delays in the kitchen – what happened to overstaffing that crucial first month of any new venture? – but the half hour wait was well worth it, our appetites rising with every burger and dog that passed our table.

The Dirty Dog: Frankfurter wrapped in bacon with ketchup, salsa, sour cream and chillies.

My Holy Cow burger came with two piping hot chunks of quality Aberdeen Angus beef that still managed to hold their hint of seasoning – I’d have guessed chilli, onions and basil, but the chef wasn’t for telling, sadly.

We’ll be generous with his reluctance to share info and put it down to trade secrets, rather than a lack of knowledge because he’s flipping meat from central supplies.

The Holy Cow was served on a crisply grilled bun with tomato, cheese and streaky bacon and a brilliantly smoky chipotle mesquite sauce, with just the right dollop size to prevent it overwhelming the beef.

Scooby, meanwhile, opted for the Philli cheesesteak but the light was so low when he was checking the menu he couldn’t see it came with peppers, so had to pick the jalapenos to the side.

Thankfully, it didn’t stop him devouring the generous slices of steak with onions and cheese sauce in a sweet, brioche sub.

The food at The Boozy Cow is served on trays, with kitchen roll at each table, and there wasn’t much room to manoeuvre when we added sides of cheese skinny fries and chilli cheese fries.

Generous in size, they came in an ashet dish and the chilli cheese surely set a new Scottish price record for the humble chip by coming in at £6.50 which raised eyebrows, as did the milk shakes at a hefty £5.50.

In fairness, the rest of the menu is more reasonably priced – our bill was less than £40, with soft drinks – and the fries were sensational, the chill beef effectively nachos with the potato replacing tortilla chips.

The fries put as much strain on our belts as our wallet, a delicious indulgence that held their heat and shape despite the plentiful scattering of spiced cheese, mustard and sweet onions, not to mention the fiery beef.

Sadly, the menu lists only one dessert and the sticky sundae of cinnamon bun, banana, ice cream, honeycomb and chocolate was one decadence to which we could not commit.

Still, a fab experience all round. “We’ll have to find our way back here in future Scooby,” I said.

Groping for the wall, he added: “Let’s just find our way out the place first.”

Boozy Cow

26/28 King Street

Stirling

FK8 1AX

Tel: 01786 235499

Disabled Facilities: No

www.boozycow.com

Opening hours: Sun-Thurs 12-midnight; Fri-Sat 12am-1am

Bill for two: £38

Food 8/10 – Burgers and sides are fab.